Disputes and Reconciliation

Matthew 18:15-20 2026

Pentecost 15, September 6, 2026

Holy Trinity Cathedral

“Dispute and Reconciliation”

The Christian Church is made up of imperfect people.  Is this surprising?  High expectations of the followers of Jesus are frequently dashed to pieces when infighting, animosity, and ignorance rise amongst members in a faith community. Perhaps we do not handle conflict well because we somehow don’t expect it amongst people of faith.  But words and actions can hurt, and when we are unable to recover trust, it is easier to walk away, carrying a bitter burden.  How many times have you been hurt in your relationship with those within the institution?  When relationships break down, how do we find a way forward in community? Jesus shows us that being Christians together is a spiritual activity that calls on some skills for reconciliation.

Seeking a healing path is a moral imperative.  It affects how we live with those around us.  Jesus teaches his followers about forgiveness because he knows they will need a skill-set if they are to fulfill their vocation as disciples.  It’s not a matter of “if” so much as “when” another member of the Church sins against you.  He addresses his words to those closest to him because sooner rather than later they are going to disagree with each other.  He doesn’t want their differences to alienate and embitter them.  Instead, disputes can be a path to a deeper agreement.  The teaching in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 18, are a dynamic for all who seek to follow Christ’s way of love.

Jesus doesn’t triangulate.  He sets out steps that are direct, beginning with the person who has inflicted the hurt, and widening out as needed to bring about a good resolution.  Mediators will see levels of engagement. Therapists will recognize components from family systems theory.  Most of all, however, is an emphasis that this is not just an intellectual but a spiritual exercise.

The first thing necessary is to be able to articulate how you have been hurt.  Naming the behaviours and your reaction helps you understand the problem in the first place.  If you cannot verbalize what has happened and how it has made you feel, it will be very difficult to get the other to perceive the wrong committed against you.  The other person may not be dense, but they are not psychic either.  They can’t see how their words or actions have affected you inside any more than you can be sure of their motivation. 

The next step takes courage: go to them and point out the fault one-on-one.  I have to caution here that Jesus is not advising you to put yourself in an unsafe situation, but rather to be direct in seeking out the other.  As humans, we have a tendency to avoid conflict by bypassing this step and going to a third party who perhaps has more power to judge and punish.  There is a place for allies, certainly, but some misunderstandings can be solved by simply seeking further explanation from the other.  “If the member listens to you, you have regained that one” (Matt. 18:15).  That is, trust and kinship ties in the community can be restored.

There are times when safety, power differences, or complexity mean a one-on-one interaction is not enough to bring about a reconciliation, however.  So Jesus offers a further step in the process.  “Take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses” (Matt. 18:16).  A witnessed dialogue makes room for truth to be heard and clarified.  From Jewish tradition to our modern mediation and arbitration models, the presence of witnesses helps the participants to weigh the circumstances and consequences.  Others can also help de-escalate the emotional intensity of the encounter by increasing our sense of safety with an opponent. 

The hurts of two members of the faith community affects all those around them.  For brothers and sisters in the faith, conflicts strain relationships.  Often we are asked to choose sides.  That can result in splits or even shunning. When the goal is reconciliation rather than judgment, the support of the congregation or larger body is brought together to listen and learn together.  There may not be an answer immediately, or a clear way forward.  Too often in the faith we have succumbed to the idea that a majority vote decides who is right and who is wrong, or that the one person who has the most power decides for everyone else.  An offender who has sinned must listen to the Church.  The Church must also listen carefully to those who have been designated as offenders.  With the help of the Holy Spirit, the whole community can move to a new way of being together in love.

Finally, Jesus says that those who refuse to listen to the Church should be treated as a Gentile and a tax collector.  In other words: outsiders!  But it does not follow that they should be excommunicated, cast out, or shunned.  After all, look at the way Jesus treated non-Jews, tax collectors, and other sinners!  He continued to meet with them, to welcome and feed and heal them, and engage with them to bring them to the way of the kingdom.  The successful outcome is to win them over: not by proving that you are right but that a relationship regained is a mark of the kingdom. 

Above all, reconciliation is grounded in prayer. We do not effect it on our own, but through the mediation of the Holy Spirit.  Prayer is not lobbying God for help in taking your side.  It is staying in touch with the ground of our being.  The God who created us to be brothers and sisters together in community wants wholeness and accord.  When we pray, we stay in touch with the goal of reconciliation and ask for the tools to achieve it.  John Shea, in his book “On Earth as it is in Heaven” describes the process this way:

When Spirit enters listening skills, the listening becomes deeper and more inclusive.  When Spirit enters mediation skills, the skills become more respectful.  When Spirit enters negotiation skills, the skills become more direct without causing anger.  The presence of the Spirit within the skill signals that the skills are being used for the process of reconciliation” (p. 270).

This is why, I believe, Jesus brings in the language of binding and loosing in his teaching of dispute resolution.  When the authority of the Church operates through the gathered community, there is a sensitivity that reconciliation is what God wants.  We are less likely to seek being right and more likely to seek being just and loving.  Not only for the other person’s sake, but for our own.  We are called to bind what is good in our communities so that they may reflect heaven.  We are called to loose the resentments and hurts and demonstrate to the world the mercy of God.  We are mediators of God’s grace.  It flows through us to the rest of the world.  Agreement comes from heaven and connects us back to our maker. 

Surprisingly, the Christian Church has survived many disputes in its history over the last two thousand years.  We have been led by imperfect people.  We have made hurtful choices and many mistakes. However, whenever we are willing to name and confront sin within, to recognize faults, and to find ways to listen and learn differently, we will know the presence of Christ.  If, that is, when another member of the church sins, let us speak up in love to regain that one.  Amen.